Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Where did mommy's little girl go?
My mom caught me purging I tried to lie my way out of it but she isn't that dumb.I feel horrible. I don't want her to look down on me. I'm the smart responsible athletic girl that every parent wants...atleast on the outside. On the inside I am panicky and impulsive, the majority of my thoughts revolve around my size and weight. It sickens me that I've become so superficial. I can't take a (fat) joke without almost bursting into tears. My mirage of perfection is falling apart. I'm far from perfect. I want to punch someone in the face for my situation...but oh, yea that would be me. I just want to be normal, eat normally, have normal thoughts, have a normal body. But fear that the possibility of normality is being ripped from my grasp. I want to stop, so Ive put myself on a *very* strict diet. Between volleybal 5x a week and basketball 6x a week I figured it'd whip my fat ass in shape. Oh well I better hit the hay...purging takes a lot out of you.
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Hi Sam! You're very brave to post such honest accounts of your feelings so publicly. I'm still not to the point where I want anyone to know what's going on inside besides my very close circle of family and friends. Being normal isn't so bad... but it takes so much more damn work than it should! I'm finally recovered from anorexia but have slowly been shifting into binge eating instead, especially sweets. If anyone out there can relate, laugh and cry along with the yakking sugar addict at http://butimnotperfect.wordpress.com/
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