Ah blog with no followers. So it's more of a journal really. I haven't purged in weeks. And I will never urge ever again. Nope it's Ana I turn to now. I think that one of my friends is anorexic too(: I feel guilty for feeling happy because I know it's hard. But she and I have each others backs. We set examples for each other. If she says no more oranges I'm full and gives me a look she knows I understand. And I'll say something like you want the rest of my lettuce it has low fat Italian dressing and I give her a look she'll know it's safe. My mom has stopped worrying and I feel better. But I tore my minuscus a while back and now I have to go see the uncle that spurred my eating disorders and depression twice a week. I protest every time we go. He still can't look me in the eyes without knowing that he was wrong. His daughter is a ball and I'm tall and lean. He hasn't said anything about my dropping 50+ lbs. I can start to see my hip bones with out sucking in. All he said is that my jaw is reshaping and my face has less pudge. Yes, he used the word pudge. I do not hate my uncle. I hate what he has done. I eat healthy foods(very little of them) but even then with no purging I can still feel the blood pooling in the back of my throat. I can feel a tension headache caused by purging even though I haven't since before my surgery. My dad was asking me why I protest going to physical therapy. My mom told him how upset I was after the first time. I spent the majority of my physical therapy session choking back tears as he told me I was carrying a lot of weight around. And If I didnt change my fatness I would be weeded out before I could play D1 women's basketball. He was a star athlete you know. My aunt Christine shot me looks of ity as he called me out.