Where did mommy's little girl go?

My mom caught me purging I tried to lie my way out of it but she isn't that dumb.I feel horrible. I don't want her to look down on me. I'm the smart responsible athletic girl that every parent wants...atleast on the outside. On the inside I am panicky and impulsive, the majority of my thoughts revolve around my size and weight. It sickens me that I've become so superficial. I can't take a (fat) joke without almost bursting into tears. My mirage of perfection is falling apart. I'm far from perfect. I want to punch someone in the face for my situation...but oh, yea that would be me. I just want to be normal, eat normally, have normal thoughts, have a normal body. But fear that the possibility of normality is being ripped from my grasp. I want to stop, so Ive put myself on a *very* strict diet. Between volleybal 5x a week and basketball 6x a week I figured it'd whip my fat ass in shape. Oh well I better hit the hay...purging takes a lot out of you.